I remember reading it somewhere...from the book of Ecclesiastes, Solomon wrote “ I returned to see under the sun that swift do not have the race, not the mighty ones the battle, nor do the wise also have the food, nor do even those having knowledge have the favor.” But why? He says “Because time and unforeseen occurrence befall them all.” Solomon seems to be pointing out that humans cannot accurately predict the outcome of any endeavor. Often, things happen to a person simply because he is in the right place at the right time, or we might say, in the wrong place at the wrong time. So does this mean of ‘that right time?’
While my friend says he COULD believe in destiny not fate. (God knows what the difference is??)He says occurrences in human lives are all about sole decisions and pragmatic moves. Well I think I should buy this thought too, that makes it worst. Contradicting my own feelings and belief of, MY FATE and MY DESTINY. I’m still wondering. Here’s a high probability of a shadow of a loser. Comforting and consoling with the support of this belief, of fate and destiny. Highly weird! Hmmm…so Slumdog Millionaire winning Eight Grand Oscar Awards mean…Destiny and the cast’s Fate (precisely for the Indian ones) huh? Well this looks expensive. I think I don’t buy this one…I see the Recession hitting me too here! Guess my friend is right...it’s all about right move at the right time. (You got to read between the lines). So Solomon is right too….well I guess I’m just a mediocre human. With highly confused philosophies of life encrypted on me by birth…Sighhhhh!!
Please pardon me if I’m magnifying my level of frustrations and aches too much. But, I think that’s what my intentions are…to be honest. I regard a piece of paper…sounds traditional? A Microsoft Word Page as the ultimate solution to all my confusions and aches…though I fail to get a solution for it. But sure makes me feel better. Typing all these, however, not imply that I’m depressed, suicidal or frustrated. Neither am I complaining of my life nor am I looking for any concrete solutions. I’ve had the best of the privileges, best of opportunities and of course the best family.. I’ve had the best of education, the best of everything that a lower middle class kid could have. This gives me reason to thank God everyday for getting the best out of me every time. A reason to realize the worth of life. A reason to write. I should be sounding all normal, just fine? Though no effort is made to turn myself, insane.
But somewhere, something frequently not normal….something unconventional occurrences. I always had a reason to lament, a tune of melancholy in the air, but still don’t relate it to be someone sad…I am always with a smile…Guess Life’s all about irony .
I do not shed my tears…neither have I tried blading my wrists…I’m not depressed. Yet, something bothers me all the time, this feeling of ambiguity gets worse due to this constant global warming. Hyderabad getting hotter everyday heats up my head and bakes my heart at an abnormal temperature. Making all in all awful. Sometimes it makes me feel like I’m possessed. Possessed by some mortal dual characters. And sometimes make me perceive of a split personality disorder. But probably could just be a seasonal affective disorder (I console myself, yet again). This feeling of ambiguity will destroy me soon.....
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